If life were like an RPG...

If I were an RPG character, I'd try to be a little different.

I wouldn't be that silent buffed-up-Barry-Bonds-style warrior, or that eccentric mage, or those characters like Vaan and Penelo who vanish into the plot once their development is done...I'd want to be my own character. I'd probably the kind of character you'll never see outside a Nintendo Game. Usually Earthbound or a Mario RPG-ish game.

Whenever someone joined the party, I'd say something like "We're having a party? Oh shit I forgot to bring Cheetos!".

I'd also question some of the world's logic...Like, why is someone using that as a weapon? And, for that matter, how come weapon shops actually sell it? How do you sell upgraded versions of something like a straw, anyways? (And yes, I actually have a game where someone's weapon is a straw) Super power drinking?

Maybe I'd be the one using the weird weapon...If I were one of those mages, who needs a weapon? Maybe I'd try to use something even weirder than blowing bubbles out of a straw. How about something like a head-band as a whip, or shooting Rubber Bands. Or maybe even a bottle of Windex set to Laser Mode. (Well what else would it be useful for?)

Arbitrary barriers...yes, I'd have a field day with those. Like if the party leader says "Dammit, this door's locked", I'd walk out and ask "Why don't we have our warrior break it down?" or "How about our mages blast it back with a spell?" Heck, we can call down meteors from the sky or use something like Ultima...Blowing a door should be no problem, should it?

Well, I guess it is a good thing that, whenever you find a locked door, the key's always right inside the dungeon. Or it's the same lock, and the elf in green just has to find enough small keys.

It'd also be interesting to be an RPG character. They all seem to walk straight into the hero. I wonder where he keeps his friends? Inside a pocket? Inside a Poke-ball designed for heroes? Or are we actually literally inside his body? No wait...that'd actually be a little creepy.

Another thing I'd do that no one else ever thinks of is try to interrupt the rituals. We always walk right in as the bad guy's beginning the ritual, and yet only I seem to be the only one who can't just sit back and watch him sacrifice the girl or summon some evil demon.