Time for the special "The Subway Rants...$5 footlong edition!"


Subway made a little promo that, for awhile, you could get ANY footlong for only $5. This of course would make us lose money except business would spike....but guess what happened?


"The $5 footlong song"

I hate this song Especially since people kept singing it. DON'T SING THAT STUPID $5 FOOTLONG SONG! For that, we should be able to charge you double. It's annoying, it's unnecessary, and overall assholish considering how many people can't and should NOT sing.


Chicken Bacon ranches

This of course is the most expensive sub on the menu not counting the Feast. And since this was only $5, they would of course save themselves $2 and get this. They take forever to make, we would often run out completely and then everyone would pick the expensive subs like TEriyaki Chicken.


"I'll have a $5 footlong"

WHAT KIND DAMMIT?!If you just say you only want a $5 footlong on White, then I will just leave the bread blank, since we CLEARLY need to know what we want to put ON the sandwich. We're not Telepathic, you know! (Bonus complaint later)


People who don't know tax.

The reason your $5 footlong is more than $5 is because of sales tax. EVERYONE has to pay that, and it's the price without tax. Do you seriously think we're trying to scam you by taking on a whopping 34 cents onto your purchase? What're we gonna do with 34 cents per sub?! Buy a $5 footlong? We're making reduced profits considering how much veggies you're loading on your chicken bacon ranch in the first place.


"Does the $5 footlong work on 6 inches?"

...this seriously happened at least once or twice a week when every sub was a $5 footlong. READ THE BLOODY DEAL! It says "$5 footlong." You're in college, you should be able to read that! *headdesk*

"Does the $5 footlong work on wraps/flatbreads/Salads?"

See my above complaint.


"are you still doing the $5 footlong?"

90% of the people who asked this walked past a 6 foot banner with the $5 footlong logo on it, are standing in front of another banner advertising it as well as in front of a menu-board that has said logo, and for good measure, two of the three people in front are wearing yellow shirts with the $5 footlong logo of COURSE we're not doing it! (The girls didn't lke wearing it because it was designed by a male. The handprint was right on their right breast.)


"That's not $5!"

Helloooooo! You added Guac, Double Meat, double cheese, and you added a meal deal! We have to charge you for that, and you're lucky we aren't charging you another $5 for all the veggies you put on there.


WTF Why aren't you doing the $5 footlong anymore?!"

Dude, we continued it from Feburary all the way until August, and during that period all you gold-diggers who bought all our expensive subs and loaded them up with $10 worth of vegetables each. we actually LOST money despite the amount of traffic it attracted. We were supposed to stop it in May, but guess what? We got enough of those complaints they actually continued to put the $5 footlong deal until August.


People who think the $5 footlong stacks with coupons.

After one week when we got maybe 40 people trying to get a $5 footlong with a buy-one-get-one-free or buy-a-footlong-for-the-price-of-a-six-inch, we put up a sign saying it doesn't stack both for the customers and the cashier. (The computer doesn't allow us to stack those discounts, the $5 footlong was considered a discount) It's bad enough when you don't read, since they say "not valid with a $5 footlong"



bonus complaint:

People who think you're telepathic.

"What subs do you have today?"
"Everything on the menu."
"....but what subs are on the menu today?"
"....Everything."
"But what subs do you hae today that you don't have any other day?"
"We have every sub available EVERY day!"
*someone else walks over*
"He wants the Daily Special."

-_-