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deviation in storage by Kiyi-chan

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That is to make sure your brain to mouth filter properly functions.

Customer: "What do I want?" 
What I wanted to say: "When I was six years old, I was hit on the head and as a result, suffered brain damage that caused me to grow up without my psychic abilities. Please tell me what you want with your mouth"
What I actually said: "Please look over our menu."

Customer: "You're out of Cherry Coke"
What I wanted to say: "Are you sure you should be pursuing a university degree? university requires a lot of reading. Judging by the fact that you have just placed your cup underneath a sign that quite clearly reads, 'Out of Order' that you cannot read."
What I actually said: "The Cherry Coke is out of order."

Customer: "You need to have a deal going - these $10 lunches are killing me."
What I wanted to say: "You could start by looking at the menu and selecting an alternative that is cheaper, such as not ordering one of our most expensive subs on the menu. From then on, you can order a six inch rather than a footlong sub. Skip over the things that give you an additional charge like extra meat, bacon, and cheese, and you could then go into the SHRINE of the SILVER MONKEY! Get past the veggies without ordering avocado and then try deciding not to order additional cookies for your lunch. Go to the register, and then not upsize your drink to a large which adds on an additional charge, or even not order sides at all. Pick up the sandwich and then walk out and take your ridiculous lack of human logic elsewhere."
What I actually said: "I don't control the deals."

Customer: "I would like to use this coupon" *holds up a Silver Mine Coupon*
What I wanted to say:
:iconspartaplz: THIS. IS. SUBWAY!!!! 
What I actually said: "We don't accept those coupons here - those are for Silver Mine." 

Customer: "Your soda fountain is broken"
What I wanted to say: "You have to put your cup UNDER the spigot to receive soda. No wonder people find it hard to believe in human evolution, since the laws of natural selection state you should have offed yourself before you reached reproductive age."
What I actually said: "You have to put your cup under the spigot." 

Customer: "Uh, I forgot"
What I wanted to say: "Oh wow! you cannot remember what you JUST ORDERED." 
What I actually said: "What did this person order? They forgot." 

Customer: "Chicken."
What I wanted to say: "Oh my freaking god we have several kinds of chicken sandwiches you idiot." 
What I actually said: "Which kind?"

Customer: *takes out a $100 bill to pay for a $0.59 order*
What I wanted to say: "As a construction worker who is apparently paid in $50s and $100s as opposed to a check, would assume that you would know more than anyone else that stores do not accept bills that are above a $20, and that you should probably walk to the bank to break that $100 down into something that you can use. Why do they pay you all in $50s and $100 bills anyway? And why oh WHY do you pay for an order LESS THAN A DOLLAR with a HUNDRED?!?" 
What I actually said: "We cannot take that - we don't accept bills over $20." 

Customer: "I want white cheese please."
What I wanted to say: "oh my freaking god all of the cheeses are white you idiot."
What I actually said: "Which kind?"

Customer: "Why is my sub so expensive?"
What I wanted to say: "Maybe it's because you ordered a footlong? Then you asked for Double Meat, which adds $3 to the charge? Then you asked for bacon? Then you spaced out when we warned you that would be an additional charge? You would know this if you actually read the bloody menu rather than order what you see on the commercials."
What I actually said: "You ordered double meat and bacon which are all additional charges." 
Do you mind if we cut our payments to you by 50%? I mean... seeing as you only take our recycling half the time, then we should only pay you for the weeks you actually DO your jobs. 

Alternatively, maybe we'll keep paying you the full amount... except on one condition. You give your employees a better vision plan. Judging by the fact that they somehow can't see an overflowing recycling bin with the word "Recycling" written in bright orange tape placed right where you instructed us to place it on collection days when we signed up for your services.... 

By the way, if you changed your schedule recycling collection, a little notice would be very much appreciated. It's not like you collect on a consistent pattern that we can figure out (Eg every other week). 

Oh, is it because we're not using the recycling bin you gave us? Well then tell us how we can get a new one then - none of your customers on this street have those recycling bins because when they're empty, they're light and they got blown away. Or maybe because that recycling bin is really really tiny anyways so I'm pretty sure it got blown into another state. 

Clearly because this is a private business it should be better than the government "monopoly" even though they actually pick up the recycling every week and let people know when they won't be there. 
So, who remembers these guys from last year? forum.deviantart.com/community… Well, they ruined one random family get together dinner... they'll ruin a birthday dinner!

So we sit down at the Mexican Restaurant. Here they come... 

Mom and dad, front and centre, carrying Babby. Followed by Sabrina, the Teenaged Bitch. After that is Angel and The Girl Flash (Although this time, she is Angel Jr, I wll refer to her as the Girl Angel) Finally, dad has to go outside where Thing One and Thing two are throwing snowballs at each other. (or maybe they're wrestling in the icy parking lot) Thing One and Thing Two track ice in. 

The hostess sits them right next to us and right next to two other groups, including one family with two well behaved children. Maybe ten months and Mom and Dad have STILL not learned to keep Thing One and Thing Two separate from each other - because they STILL want to kill the other one. -.-; PResumably they want to trust Angel and his reformed scoundrel Angel Jr. 

Babby has graduated from screaming "EEEEEEEEEE!" non-stop to having learned a few words... which s/he CONSTANTLY repeats. So babby is going "BA BA", "DA DA", "Food", "Zig Zag", and the like... randomly. Every couple of minutes. A fair deal from them going "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" at the top of her lungs. -.-; 

Thing One and Thing Two immediately continue their feud. No straws at this restaurant, so instead... they reach into their water glasses and toss ICE CUBES at each other. Angel and Angel Jr eventually take the water from them once they realize what they're doing. Then they kick each other under the table (I presume) and realize they have another weapon at their disposal... Chips and Salsa. 

First Thing One and Thing Two chuck the chips at each other like ninja stars. Before Angel and Angel Jr. can get them away, there go the salsa at each others' faces... and into their eyes. Thing One and Thing Two start screaming in pain because it burns. Mom and Dad are too busy fighting with Sabrina the Teenaged Bitch about her grades to notice and only once stop to say "KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!!!". Angel takes Thing One and Thing Two off to the bathroom (I think) while Angel Jr asks the waitress and says, in a very cute voice, 

"May I please have a napkin to clean this up?"

btw this girl can't be any older than like, nine. And she literally helped clean it up. This girl has oficially been reformed.

Snit keeps arguing about how 'oh grades don't matter right now', 'Who cares that I flunked Mr. Teacher's class because Mr. Teacher is a jerk!', 'The teachers are all out to get me'. 

Really mom and dad? Really? you have to argue about this in public? And you don't even realize that this is a bit of a public restaurant that's quiet? (So they're not talking over music or anything.) All the while their conversations are interrupted by Babby saying something like "BA BA!" or "SALSA!". 

Angel shouts when he takes Thing One and Thing Two out of the bathroom, I think presumably they tried to kill each other again. When they sit back down, mom and dad tell them "I'll order FOR YOU since you're so poorly behaved!!!" [Pot? Meet Kettle.] and when they receive their food, the tacos are reduced to pieces. 

They are still fighting when we leave - we're out QUICKLY. And oh yeah, the mints jar was full when we entered... but conveniently empty when we leave. Either the kids emptied the jar, or the staff emptied the jar temporarily so they wouldn't wind up losing them. 


Aye yi yi... stupid idiots. 
We all know that Tumblr and other such sites is an amazing place for unintentional comedy. Just enter anything, the most ridiculous thing you can think of, and it's there. Seriously. This time I found about something quite silly...

Adult privilege.

So this is interesting - you aren't born with this privilege, you grow into it. So this privilege, which other of these  people say is something you are born with... well, with some exceptions. I mean, you can "gain" thin privilege by gaining weight, and you can "lose" healthy-body privilege by becoming disabled in a car accident...I don't know, nobody can agree on the concept of "privilege" to define what it is! 

Adult Privilege, from my findings, also comes with the whole "Youth rights". Though here's the thing - when you look up some of these "privileges", you occasionally find something that actually makes sense. Like say, "Why do we allow bullies to not receive punishment or what they're doing?", "How can we help abused kids understand what abuse is?" or "How can we create more resources for bullied students?" I mean, that's not bad - in fact, I feel some of those posts I've seen on and off of Tumblr and Livejournal are actually trying to get things done, invite discussion, allow people to give multiple points, ask people questions... you know! See, that's what I like. 

However... like with almost every tag, you see all sorts of really crazy stuff. Let's look at some of the greatest hits:

"Adult privilege is getting to tell kids to work for free on things called 'chores'."

"Adults never get punished for not doing their chores."

"Adult privilege is getting to barge into your kids' rooms whenever you want with the excuse of 'you own the house'. Why don't landlords get to barge into apartments or take doors away because they own the building?" 

"Adult privilege is never having your problems dismissed with 'welcome to the real world'. Like our problems are so minor and never happen in the real world!"

"Adult privilege is having everything made for people your size."

"Children can be taken out of a public place by their caretaker because their caretaker doesn't like how they act." 

"Adult privilege is being able to make as much noise as you want at night." 

"The renaissance was better for youth - they got to own property at 15."

"Adult Privilege is getting to take a vacation whenever you want."

"I never get to talk about the family finances." 

"Adults can bully children all they want - if they do that to an adult, that's 'assault' and they get arrested for that." 


I have to really thank these people for their Poe's Law - because I've nearly died of laughter.
You know that belief, that people can turn into animals during a full moon? Yeah, that exists. sadly they don't get to change species - they just change into total freaking idiots. 

*Person is sitting rigt by the door and vaping as people walk in*
"Sir, can you please do that outside?"
"I'm not doing anything wrong."
"You're bothering our customers."
"I'm not doing anything wrong."
"You're sitting by the door and blowing smoke at them. The entire building smells like maple."
"I'm not smoking I'm VAPING!!"
"Sir, you have to do that outside."
"Vaping is not smoking."
"Yes it is." 


"How do I work the soda fountain?"
"...Press the button."
"It's not in my cup."
"...you have to put the cup UNDER the spigot to get soda in."
:iconheaddeskplz: 


"Provolone, Pepperjack, or White american cheese?"
"Cheese."
"What kind of cheese?"
"Cheese."
"Provolone, Pepperjack, or White American?"
"Cheese."
"Sir, we have multiple kinds."
"I said cheese."
"Do you want this?"
"No I want cheese."
"...do you want THIS?"
"No I want cheese."
"Do you want this?"
"Yes, cheese."


"What kind of sandwich would you like?"
"Six inch."
"What kind of bread?"
"Wheat."
"What kind of sandwich?"
"Six inch."
"...what kind of meat?"
"Six inch."
"What am I putting on the sandwich?"
"Six inch."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!


"Is this promotion going on? The six inch for $3?"
"Did the Avs play last night?"
"I don't know."
"Then it's probably not going on. Is it also after 3 PM?" [hint: It's not.]
"No."
"Then the deal is not going on."


"Can I pay for this here?"
"No, you have to pay for that over in the convenience store."


*Customer stands in line for 10 minutes*
"Sir, can I help you?"
"Oh, I don't know what I want."


"I can't fit the sandwich in my mouth."
[Maybe you should have thought of that before you ordered a double meat meatball sub with EVERYTHING on it?!?] 


"Why's it so expensive?"
[Because you ordered a footlong steak and bacon, then added avocado."


"This sub is messy."
[you ordered 4 sauces on it. -_-]


"Wait, does that cookie have nuts in it?"
"The Peanut Butter cookie has nuts in it."
"Oh, someone I know is allergic to nuts. Can I still give them another cookie?"
"They're packed in a facility that also uses nuts."


"What kind of sandwich can I make for you?"
"Chicken."
"Which kind?"
"Chicken."
"Which kind of chicken? We have four kinds. Chicken breast, chicken bacon ranch, chicken teriyaki, buffalo chicken. Which one do you want?"
"A Chicken Sandwich." 


"You didn't take my coupon."
"I did not know you had one, do you have it with you?"
"No."
"Then we can't take it."


"Your Cherry Coke is broken."
*Checks* "It looks fine to me, what's the problem?"
"It doesn't taste like Cherry Coke. *presses the button*
"...that's the Diet Coke."


"What kind of sandwich did you order?"
"chips and a drink."
"With what kind of sandwich?"
"Footlong."
"What's the sandwich?"
"Meal deal." 


"What kind of sandwich did you order?"
"I can't remember." 
[oh wow. You cannot remember what you just ordered.]


"I just want a cookie."
"That'll be $0.60."
*hands me a $100*
:iconangryfaceplz:


Bonus complaint:
Dear big-ass truck... why on earth are you in college? College requires a LOT of reading - and judging by the fact that you keep parking in the "Compact car" space you obviously can't read. 
Digitalpotato:

If you receive an Email asking if you'd like to beta-test an art-gallery website, DO NOT OPEN IT. The link they provide is probably WORSE than any shock-site you can imagine. My eyes have probably suffered steam-burns worse than the time I fell for that kind of trick.


I feel SO stupid...I should probably make those steam-burns worse by playing Wind Waker or Katamari Damacy... >.<



In other words, writing workshop's still up.

1.Artantil (Done)
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  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: Bump of Chicken / Bleach Theme
  • Reading: Nothing / Dragon Champion
  • Watching: Pirates of the Caribbean / Medical Incredible
  • Playing: Gmod / Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth
  • Eating: Hamburgers / Orange Mints
  • Drinking: Chocolate Shake / Coke

deviantID

HerbalDrink
I dunno.
Artist
United States
Current Residence: Vanilla Valley Colorado
Favourite genre of music: A lot except Gospel and (c)Rap.
Favourite photographer: Timmywheeler
Favourite style of art: Fantasy, Sprites
Operating System: Windows XP
MP3 player of choice: iPod Nanos
Shell of choice: Err...Turtle/Kappa shell?
Wallpaper of choice: Guild Wars: Demon-posessed Gwen.
Skin of choice: Bronze Dragon Scales
Favourite cartoon character: Baby Bonnie Hood
Personal Quote: Plotholes can explain a LOT of things.
Interests

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Comments


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:iconpheagle-adler:
Pheagle-Adler Featured By Owner 1 day ago
:iconfaveplz:
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:iconinternetexplorer968:
Internetexplorer968 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Cool icon. :thumbsup:
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:iconmidday-mew:
Midday-Mew Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014   General Artist
Have a belated Happy Birthday, Doug! ^^

. /¯birthday cake by Chibivillecute¯:iconicecreamcontainerplz:¯:icongiftplz:¯:icongiftplz:¯:icongiftplz:¯\ .
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To any one else wondering, HerbalDrink's birthday is on November 28th. I can't believe I missed it! ><
Reply
:iconscorch289:
scorch289 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014
hay you! silly thing :O you! :la: :P whats up?
Reply
:iconphantom-horse:
Phantom-Horse Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
"I remember when that kook said to use raisins or baking soda and lemon juice to whiten your teeth. "

WTF? That sounds gross. My teeth are fine anyway, if not I'd just use whitening tooth paste like normal people XD

I don't want gross crap like baking soda in my mouth and raisins..eh.
Reply
:iconherbaldrink:
HerbalDrink Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014
You're better off using the "baking soda toothpaste" since that contains sodium fluoride and it's normally the safe method.
Reply
:iconphantom-horse:
Phantom-Horse Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah yeah I do see those. I do need something for sensitivity tho :/ I use Sensodyne! :la: I used to use Pro Health...but switched :P
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:iconbdk25pro:
bdk25pro Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
HerbalDrink, do you do other writings like fantasy?
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:iconherbaldrink:
HerbalDrink Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014
Yep!
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:iconbdk25pro:
bdk25pro Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
plse
i really need some ideas!
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